Who am I kidding I tell myself I am doing good losing weight this is how I fool myself. I'm full of shit. I was doing good I was doing SB again and it was working. Then slowly I became less strict. Now I still weigh less then I did but not by much and I want to lose one stone before I move in fact I want to get to 20 stone which is 280 Now I am 293 so I need to lose 13 pounds by the 3rd of July (this is what I weighed last time I flew and I don't want any problems.
I was not going to go to the gym today. I haven't been doing much. I finished work two weeks ago because I am moving next month and just wanted time to prepare and get some exercise but I can't even bring myself to exercise. I always feel like I am disappointing my husband because i promised 5 days a week. Now I already told him I wasn't going today now I know when he gets home he will ask why I didn't and you know what ... I am going to go to the gym!! I don't want to disappoint him or me and I'm so bored. I feel really full at the moment I ate some enchiladas
:-( they tasted nice but my stomach hurts I made them. I need to get back on track.
So we move July 12th my husband dropped off the passports today. I'm excited to say the least It's finally about time. I have been thinking about getting my tongue pierced anyone have that done? How painful is it? How is everybody lately? Aren't gas prices ridiculous a pack of chicken went up to £10 here and that is only 8 small pieces of chicken breast. Well that's all I have to say I will fill you guys in next week to see if i have kicked my own ass yet
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Medical History and Canada
So I had my medical for immigration for Canada. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Blood pressure was healthy 110/70 the same as my husbands Fantastic!! He said my weight may go against me. He needed further history for my counseling and chest pain I had last year.
I requested my medical history because the doctor needed it. It is very extensive to say the least I think I had a 40pg history for the last 3 years. One word of advice if you are seeing counselors don't tell them things you wouldn't want anyone else to see not even the doctors clearly they base things you say against you when making decisions. For example "She says she is not suffering from depression though she has previously" this was in regards to my weight gain.
I am obviously very worried about my medicals and what will happen. if we haven't heard anything by June 11th it means everything is OK so please pray/hope/wish for the best. I will let everyone know. It is needless to say that next time we go grocery shopping I am going back on the diet. Also I will be working my ass off at the gym my last day at work is the 30th. So as of June it's GYM GYM GYM.
I requested my medical history because the doctor needed it. It is very extensive to say the least I think I had a 40pg history for the last 3 years. One word of advice if you are seeing counselors don't tell them things you wouldn't want anyone else to see not even the doctors clearly they base things you say against you when making decisions. For example "She says she is not suffering from depression though she has previously" this was in regards to my weight gain.
I am obviously very worried about my medicals and what will happen. if we haven't heard anything by June 11th it means everything is OK so please pray/hope/wish for the best. I will let everyone know. It is needless to say that next time we go grocery shopping I am going back on the diet. Also I will be working my ass off at the gym my last day at work is the 30th. So as of June it's GYM GYM GYM.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
THE BIGGEST LOSER
Hey i don't have it over here to watch but i saw it when i logged onto my american e-mail. She looks fantastic. Does anyone know how long it took her from the time she started the show?
This week has been unbelievably stress full no one has any idea it's like i can't even describe it. It's been a fu***ng nightmare. It's like the crap you see on tv where you think that shit doesn't really happen. Well it sure does. It happens to me.
Any way Can I ask any of you who have weighed 300 pounds have you been able to fly without having to buy an extra airplane ticket? I want to know what's going to happen when I have to fly. Weightloss is still staying down but I havent lost anymore yet. I'm trying to get the energy to go to the gym. It's raining of course so I will have to take a taxi I have no water proof clothes. I really want to go canoeing when I go to canada. My husband thinks I will sink it I don't think I will. I'm excited about moving I can't wait I have a new life and a new start and I decided for that new start I'm going by Elli rather then Liz I think it's girlier. I have a new picture I took of myself that I wan't you guys to see. I am beautiful when I try. Sorry I had no shirt on it was b4 bed but you can't see anything don't worry. LoL.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
I have gone down!!
So I had my house mate look at the scale this morning so I could get an accurate weigh in. Today it said 292 which means I have lost 10 pounds. Wahoo! Just thought I would share that. We decided to take pictures of ourselves in our underwear as before and after photos. I have to say I did not think I was as fat as I was and now I understand my husbands disappointment. He is please for me though 10pounds down. I was thinking should I post them but i thought no better not i might offend someone. Maybe when I have the after photo's. I have to tell you when you zoom into my leg it looks like a pregnant woman's stomach. Maybe I will post that bit lol. I don't carry any of the weight on my leg in the back its all in the front of my thigh. Also I have four breasts 2 of them being on my back they are just missing the nipple. Well I have them for future reference. I found a picture of me today when i weighed 227 pounds I am going to post it. That is my first small goal to get back to that weight so when I go on my trip to Jamaica next year I look good. Well Just wanted to share my positive news.
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Hello Sorry I'm Alive
Hi Guys,
Sorry, Sorry for not posting or responding quickly I am alive. I've been really tired as usual I come home at night eat watch TV then fall asleep. Weekends I don't do much. I know it's a crap excuse. Honestly I didn't want to post until i had something good to tell you guys. Let's go weigh myself ... the verdict is in 297 pounds. I had gotten down to 294 the other day but then I had pizza. I am letting myself down. But I lost the 6 pounds by not eating junk food and cutting out most alcohol. Damn that pizza...and bottle of wine! I went to the gym yesterday I managed to do the cross trainer for 10 min it is progress I was dying though my heart rate was up to 172.
We have progressed with the move to Canada. Immigration is slowly moving forward. We are now just waiting for the request for medicals. I'm worried to be honest is my illness going to be a problem or the fact that i was taking anti depressants for depression or the fact that i have slightly high blood pressure. You know I watch these programs with fat people and they eat like 3 burgers at a time or a whole pizza I don't know how they do it I had 4 slices of a large pizza and a few other things and I could never manage a whole one. Any way i need to loose as much weight before i leave for Canada I do not want to have to get a seat belt extension on the plane!! I also don't want to squish all my fat into the chair the damn table didn't even come down when i weight 252 pounds i was close to needing an extension then. I fucked up! I admit it. How the Fuck does someone not realize they are gaining weight especially 73 pounds the answer is they do realize it and they just are in denial. Yes I admit it I was in denial!! I am so Fucked off with myself I could have lost 73 pounds rather then gained it.
You know despite my lack of posting i really do like my blog. I get to journal for the whole world to read it. And i really have not had too negative responses in fact a lot of you guys are encouraging and i don't want to disappoint you. I wanted to post when i could say hey guys I lost 15 pounds but hey at least you guys know I'm OK. I will try and post sooner and hopefully will have lost that extra 3 pounds that i put back on. Considering doing the SB Diet for the first few weeks just to kick start the weight loss for Canada. Oh I forgot I have gotten more fucking stretch marks from going up and down in weight i have the first sign of some on my legs and more on my stomach. I have been using coco butter to try and reduce them. They are still in the pink stage. Talk to you guys later. Liz
Sorry, Sorry for not posting or responding quickly I am alive. I've been really tired as usual I come home at night eat watch TV then fall asleep. Weekends I don't do much. I know it's a crap excuse. Honestly I didn't want to post until i had something good to tell you guys. Let's go weigh myself ... the verdict is in 297 pounds. I had gotten down to 294 the other day but then I had pizza. I am letting myself down. But I lost the 6 pounds by not eating junk food and cutting out most alcohol. Damn that pizza...and bottle of wine! I went to the gym yesterday I managed to do the cross trainer for 10 min it is progress I was dying though my heart rate was up to 172.
We have progressed with the move to Canada. Immigration is slowly moving forward. We are now just waiting for the request for medicals. I'm worried to be honest is my illness going to be a problem or the fact that i was taking anti depressants for depression or the fact that i have slightly high blood pressure. You know I watch these programs with fat people and they eat like 3 burgers at a time or a whole pizza I don't know how they do it I had 4 slices of a large pizza and a few other things and I could never manage a whole one. Any way i need to loose as much weight before i leave for Canada I do not want to have to get a seat belt extension on the plane!! I also don't want to squish all my fat into the chair the damn table didn't even come down when i weight 252 pounds i was close to needing an extension then. I fucked up! I admit it. How the Fuck does someone not realize they are gaining weight especially 73 pounds the answer is they do realize it and they just are in denial. Yes I admit it I was in denial!! I am so Fucked off with myself I could have lost 73 pounds rather then gained it.
You know despite my lack of posting i really do like my blog. I get to journal for the whole world to read it. And i really have not had too negative responses in fact a lot of you guys are encouraging and i don't want to disappoint you. I wanted to post when i could say hey guys I lost 15 pounds but hey at least you guys know I'm OK. I will try and post sooner and hopefully will have lost that extra 3 pounds that i put back on. Considering doing the SB Diet for the first few weeks just to kick start the weight loss for Canada. Oh I forgot I have gotten more fucking stretch marks from going up and down in weight i have the first sign of some on my legs and more on my stomach. I have been using coco butter to try and reduce them. They are still in the pink stage. Talk to you guys later. Liz
Saturday, February 23, 2008
I haven't had the heart
...To post.
Be warned i may talk about personal issues and womanly things.
So first my weight has gone up and down but by only a few pounds. It's about the same as it always is right now 300. I have felt really down lately and sad. Immigration is taking forever and i just want to get over there. I want to be able to start my new life. I'm so fed up with everything.
I have been having problems with my husband. I love him very much and he is a good man. He is on the brink of leaving me. I have gained over 70 pounds since we first met. I am unable to do any physical activities with him. He doesn't like to walk with me because i walk so slow. I lack the motivation to make myself look pretty on a daily bases so I ware crummy old pj's and keep my hair in a messy bun. No makeup. There are a few reasons not just the weight but i would have to say that's the biggest one. He just doesn't find me attractive any more. I want to be!! Not only for him but for me. I don't want to be in pain any more.
I was walking down the street the other day on my lunch break I looked nice better then i normally do. And some fucking piece of shit shouts out the window "the beach is that way" now it took me a minute but i realised that ass whole was calling me a whale. I felt like shit and then what did i do i ate a whole pack of cookies and extra food i did not need.
I have only once managed to get my ass out of bed at 6:30 and to go to the gym, and that was when i met my trainer provided by the NHS (national health service) he is a specialist who deals with people who have illnesses.
I have to meet him again this week. I guess it's a good thing i don't have his phone number or i probably would cancel. I haven't been able to sleep my doctor said i can up my medicine to two tablets rather than one when i need to. I Went out on a night out a few weeks ago and drank way too much and had a horrible hang over i vowed not to drink again as we all do which only lasted about two weeks and i had a few drinks in between then. But i have had a bottle of wine a couple of nights this week in a row. I don't want to get back in the habit of drinking it makes me feel lethargic my skin gets all pimply and i gain weight. The only benefit is i sleep better well most nights some nights my stomach burns from the acid in the wine damn IBS.
It's funny how we don't control our body's they control us. Well we are like this entity that lives inside i guess that's what we call our soul. I want to take good care of my body. To be honest I'm terrified of losing weight. What if my skin doesn't go back I'm afraid to have surgery and what if i can't afford it. I'm 22 I don't want to be deformed.
In November 2006 i am no longer taking my birth control shots In November 2007 I started getting my period again. I have had it probably about 6 times since Christmas and it's only February. Well at least i know I'm not pregnant right. I want to be able to do more things with my husband. I have a secret dream to be able to run. I love exercising once i get going and I'm not feeling like crap i feel so good. Sometimes my body hurts because i don't move enough how sad is that. I want to win this inner battle but i just feel like I'm loosing. I hate depression.
I don't want to be 30 devorced because my husband left me because i got too fat and weighing 400 pounds. I'm in pain as it is and I need help. I just don't know how to help myself get out of this rut. I know you all hear me bitch and moan and you think for pete's sake do something but i can't get the motivation. I really really wan't it.
Be warned i may talk about personal issues and womanly things.
So first my weight has gone up and down but by only a few pounds. It's about the same as it always is right now 300. I have felt really down lately and sad. Immigration is taking forever and i just want to get over there. I want to be able to start my new life. I'm so fed up with everything.
I have been having problems with my husband. I love him very much and he is a good man. He is on the brink of leaving me. I have gained over 70 pounds since we first met. I am unable to do any physical activities with him. He doesn't like to walk with me because i walk so slow. I lack the motivation to make myself look pretty on a daily bases so I ware crummy old pj's and keep my hair in a messy bun. No makeup. There are a few reasons not just the weight but i would have to say that's the biggest one. He just doesn't find me attractive any more. I want to be!! Not only for him but for me. I don't want to be in pain any more.
I was walking down the street the other day on my lunch break I looked nice better then i normally do. And some fucking piece of shit shouts out the window "the beach is that way" now it took me a minute but i realised that ass whole was calling me a whale. I felt like shit and then what did i do i ate a whole pack of cookies and extra food i did not need.
I have only once managed to get my ass out of bed at 6:30 and to go to the gym, and that was when i met my trainer provided by the NHS (national health service) he is a specialist who deals with people who have illnesses.
I have to meet him again this week. I guess it's a good thing i don't have his phone number or i probably would cancel. I haven't been able to sleep my doctor said i can up my medicine to two tablets rather than one when i need to. I Went out on a night out a few weeks ago and drank way too much and had a horrible hang over i vowed not to drink again as we all do which only lasted about two weeks and i had a few drinks in between then. But i have had a bottle of wine a couple of nights this week in a row. I don't want to get back in the habit of drinking it makes me feel lethargic my skin gets all pimply and i gain weight. The only benefit is i sleep better well most nights some nights my stomach burns from the acid in the wine damn IBS.
It's funny how we don't control our body's they control us. Well we are like this entity that lives inside i guess that's what we call our soul. I want to take good care of my body. To be honest I'm terrified of losing weight. What if my skin doesn't go back I'm afraid to have surgery and what if i can't afford it. I'm 22 I don't want to be deformed.
In November 2006 i am no longer taking my birth control shots In November 2007 I started getting my period again. I have had it probably about 6 times since Christmas and it's only February. Well at least i know I'm not pregnant right. I want to be able to do more things with my husband. I have a secret dream to be able to run. I love exercising once i get going and I'm not feeling like crap i feel so good. Sometimes my body hurts because i don't move enough how sad is that. I want to win this inner battle but i just feel like I'm loosing. I hate depression.
I don't want to be 30 devorced because my husband left me because i got too fat and weighing 400 pounds. I'm in pain as it is and I need help. I just don't know how to help myself get out of this rut. I know you all hear me bitch and moan and you think for pete's sake do something but i can't get the motivation. I really really wan't it.
Monday, January 28, 2008
I'm Sorry
It is the end of the month and I have hardly written. I know it's sad. I have been in my own world working sleeping eating eating eating. I drink too much i think i'm going to try and do the recomended 2 bottles of wine a week and no more. AH i'm hoping i can kick my own ass because at this rate i will be 400 pounds by next year I'm still the same weight i was when i started through out this month i have fluctuated up 2 pounds and then down 7 back and forth. I don't want to get all in to it but when i start loosing weight i will post more I'm going to try and get my ass up at 6:30 tm morning to go to the gym b4 work we will see!!
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