Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Some Pictures

Me at the Beach
Another day at the Beach

My New Kitty I love you!!


So I took a Ryan air flight. I managed to get the seat belt buckled surprisingly. Only just though. I sucked in half squatted turned sideways lifted the arm up and got in.

I leave Saturday for Canada Yeah!!! Finally I also bought a cat online she is sooo cute I get to see her next week. We went to my father in laws for my husbands leaving party. We got a few cards from people only a couple of them mentioned me (his wife). His father would introduce me as Liz and not his daughter in law or his son's wife. I worked my ass of trying to be polite and tidy and helping out as last time I was a drunk mess and not able to help clean up at all. Everyone must remember I am 22 give me a break. I stood up too long and my knee and ankle was killing me i started hobbling around. I put some of the weight back on. I hadn't been eating a lot of carbs I was being good limiting myself to one set of carbs a day well trying to. I have also been eating more junk food ummm snickers.

It's going to be a new start in Canada I have sold most of my worldly possessions. Things are still rough with my husband and my weight. He took a picture of me lying on the floor (no furniture) and my stomach looked like an extension it was horrible. I saw my arm in a video and i thought JESUS CHRIST! It only hits me when I see pictures or when I walk up stairs and can't breath. It sucks. My husband reminds me you are 22 years old and you weigh 21 stone (+ now but won't tell him that). When I get to Canada I'm going by Elli rather then Liz (my cute new persona maybe a bit girly feminine a bit more athletic eventually lol). As soon as I get a gym membership I will be there all the time I will have a car again next week so no excuse not to drive myself to the gym. I feel my health deteriorating. My back hurts sooo bad, my legs ,I'm so tired I have had a headache for 2 days straight. That's probably due to poor diet lots of shit food. Oh also I was reading someone Else's blog who said they had a headache when they where on a diet probably with drawl symptoms. I had that too real bad when I started eating healthier no carbs. Good idea for breakfast and fills you up

1 poached egg
small tin baked beans
2 slices lean bacon rashers healthy living sainsburys

real low and calories and gives you a protein boost.

Now this is real personal anyone else have this problem. I have been getting my period twice a month since January. I was on the Depo in 2006 and hadn't had my period the whole time I stoped taking it Nov 2006. Got my period again Nov 2007 and it has been like that since Jan. Am I gunna run out of eggs? I know it's stupid last year I had an ultra sound and she said I had a womb I was like what I thought you only had that when you were pregnant. It is so embarrassing.

Sometimes I feel like I'm floating outside my body like I'm not really in control and everything is a dream. Lately it has been hard to tell the difference maybe I it's cause I have a lot on my mind. But I can't remember if things are a dream or if they really happened. This has to be the ADHD (not taking any drugs except sleeping pills that make me groggy) that could be it lol.

Do you ever feel like you have no real control of your body. I have aches and pains I can't control when I have to go to the bathroom. We are an entity living in our body's; Maybe we are the aliens everyone talks about. When you die your soul leaves not the body??? I know I'm being weird lol just things i think about lol. Anyhow excited about moving. I get to go clothes shopping in two weeks lane bryant and torrid here I come (AMERICAN SHOPS PLUS SIZE) I still hate having to look at bigger sizes. And why, why can't I get a bra a 52 D with wired support?? Why do I have to get bra extensions. Why can't I wear High Heels and walk gracefully??? Oh Yea it's cause I am hella fat and need to go on a diet. I am visiting my mom in Washington in two weeks where I will be going to 24hr fittness thank god for 24hr gyms you can't really make excuses about time when it is opened 24hrs lol. I'm only going for 6 days. The bad thing about moving is all my favorite food Mexican, Chinese, Indian, Italian. All i have to do is look at my fat self in my swim suit and then I will see why. Why I should not be eating that shit!!!! Fucking self control I hate it. It's cause I have none. When I am on a diet expect me to be cranky. Expect if you are eating a chocolate bar for me to rip it out of your hand and stomp on it for being so damn rude and inconsiderate to eat that in front of me. I don't care if your thin it is not good for you!! Like I see Celebrities going to yoga classes and smoking I'm like good for you for exercising but your gunna die of lung cancer ( I smoke on occasion so I know). Also I see someone who is like 30 pounds over weight and I think dumb bitch suck it up and do it already not like you have to lose 10 stone!! Now the only time I have been 2 stone overweight I was probably like 8 years old otherwise I'd have done it.

I saw this fat girl on a dance floor last week and she was pretty big. I said to my husband do I look like that and he said yeah. I felt pretty low and then I felt bad for comparing myself that poor woman just wants to have a good time like me. I'm the joke on a dance floor guys grope me and I'm assuming so they can have a laugh. Well when my boobs are on show that's really all they stare at lol. But still I must look really stupid on the dance floor. My goal size in the next 2 years is a size 10. Why a 10 you ask; well when I was 18 I bought a size 10 pair of under ware they never fit but I love them. I will post a pic eventually of the under ware not me in them, you wouldn't be able to see them under all of the fat. I tried on my size 18 jeans there was like a 4 in gap I thought man. How'd I get away from myself. It's called DENIAL you just try not to think about it and poof!! Well I got rid of all my size 28 sweaters because you know what I will not fit in them this coming winter I will not not not fit in them I don't care what it takes. I will be smaller!!!! I kept all of my smaller sizes and they are being sent to Canada. I can't wait I will get there. Here is another pic of me a few weeks ago. God my chin has gotten so big. I'm starting to get fat wrinkles on my neck but here I go.