Saturday, November 6, 2010

"When it rains it pours and opens doors"

So my breaks cut out on me yesterday. I'm thanking god I made it home alive. My break line burst, my callipers are gone, break pads. Safe to say Scarlett is going to be sold for parts :( which is probably for the best seeing as my fuel gauge and speedometer are fucked. The whole electrical system is gone. I'd love to keep her and take her apart and rebuild her engine but lets face it I need the money and I don't know what the hell I'm doing. Fortunately I do have a few buddy's who know a thing or two about cars.

So I have a thing about sexy cars with sweet body kits. I saw my dream car yesterday and it was only 8g. Couldn't even tell u the make or model but I looked at her and I wanted her. She was this awesome blue color interior matched, bucket seats, right hand drive, manual with a sweet deck. *Drool I think I get my car thing from Johnny. He was this guy I hung out with when I was a teenager I used to go to the races with him and check out sweet cars. Before he got his license he had a car so he let me drive it around. Sweet tricked out Honda with a sweet sound system, always blastin techno and trance.

I'm trying not to be angry about my circumstances and to see the positive. When one door closes another one opens. I'm trying not to be pissed at Tim. I will not yell at him, I will not yell at him... So I keep telling myself. I really fucking hate when dudes do that. Just fucking stop talking to you. I think he knew I wanted more then a FB type thing. All he had to do was be honest. I really could use more guy friends. I miss hanging out with dudes. They make me laugh. Plus having straight guy friends give me opinions on other dudes is very much appreciated. Last night I soo wanted to message Tim but what did I do instead. I messaged Brad when I was drunk and said something along the lines of "You're now my man guru, I need advice?!" FUCK ME! Then I had the need to apologies "I'm sorry, I'm being dumb ignore that." Oh and I messaged Frank but he's pretty funny. He called me yesterday first time mind you. Call display didn't tell me it was him I was like who is this? You called me?! He's like I think I called u but now u have me second guessing myself. I was like who am I speaking to? He's like oh it's Frank. I just laughed. He's like u shouldn't ask so many questions right away it throws a person off. I was telling him about my theory of how if I don't click with someone we can be friends. He's like it's not really like that tho. I was like ur telling me. I try and stay someones friend and they just dont care. It's ok men are dumb (didn't say that to him).

Why is it when we know the answer to something we need to get everyone elses opinion on it? Why can't we just admit the truth to ourselves. I was upset after Tim left last time cause It felt like it was the last time I was going to see him and oh guess what so far it has been.

Ok tell me why, when a man pays interest to us women, we automatically think we like him? When the truth is we don't even know him and he's probably annoying as fuck? Lets face it sex means nothing these days. IT SHOULD THO!!!! Just because u sleep with someone it's not a reason to justify your feelings.

I always worry when they leave that it was because I wasn't good enough. That I'm not pretty enough. That they saw me naked and thought I looked gross. When I look at myself naked, I don't think I look beautiful. When I leave my house in my sweats with no makeup on and hair in a crazy bun I'm vulnerable, I don't want people looking at me or talking to me. When I leave my house dressed up, I feel confident and I want people to talk to me. Tho I hate when a dude who I have no interest in talks to me. I think I'm kinda of a bitch then. I really hate drunk annoying people when I'm sober.

I got a call back from the regional marketing director. She's sending some info off to the personal training marketing group. The CEO also responded to my email. He e-mailed the VP of marketing. I was so excited yesterday. I really want to make a difference. Yesterday I was talking to a woman who works out at the gym, she has a personal trainer and I asked how it was going and how much weight she's lost. I told her about the weight I lost and she said she had heard. Her trainer told her and she said to her client she couldn't believe I did it on my own. I told her I have two disabilities I don't want my weight to be a third and hold me back anymore. If you can dream it you can achieve it.

I will be going back to Body Combat again. I've already talked to my Manager about switching up my hours. So here is the goal. MON, TUE WED, cardio in the morning I do a min of an hr Cardio and some weight training. WED afternoon is Body Flow (yoga, thai chi, and pilates) THUR is BODY COMBAT (MMA) and FRI is Pilates. If I'm not hurting too bad I'll try and get more of a cardio workout in in the mornings on WED, FRI. I know I'm building more core strength. When I bend over on the sides of my stomach u can see where It's supposed to be. I get all hyped up when I notice my body changing. I mean other people notice but it's harder when U look at yourself to notice. Pictures help me out a lot. I'm working on strengthening my arms as well. Pull ups, push ups. I know my core is stronger because I can hold myself up on the machine where u bring your knees to your chest. The new way I learned to do push ups is going to help a lot. Try a crocodile push up... crazy stuff.

It feels good to be shrinking into smaller sizes tho my wallet can't afford to upgrade my clothes. I have to tell u how annoying it is to work out in loose clothes. It's time for some new stuff. My new routine wont start this next week, but I'm hoping the week after. This week I have doctors appointments and what not. I will still be working out tho just not on my routine that I want. OMG i saw the cutest shoes at walmart I want them. Fuck this stupid chick obsession with shoes. It's so dumb lol.

Anyway, I'm going to try and nurse this hangover before I try and figure out public transport lol. Fuck I'm so gunna get lost lol. If I told u about my public transport stories in England then u'd know. Stupid trains!

Hope you all have a great weekend!