Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Thank you God

Just had the biggest blessing. Aish approved me. It's such a relief.

Remind me If Shawn trys to talk to me ever again to tell him to go fuck himself. I hate that guy.

Ben... I dont know. I liked him till he talked about hooking up with my friend... not cool. Dunno if hes bein serious or if he's just trying to get a rise out of me. Fuck my trust issues man. Way to make me like you less. At least I'm keeping it real. Who knows, I'm just getting to know him right. I think he's made it crystal that I'm prob just gunna be some chick to him. I really need to start hanging out with dudes who actually take me on dates. I just need to try not to get emotionally invested in this one, so I dont get hurt when he fucks off like the rest of them.

I do give him props for making an effort to see me tho. He's spent a fair bit of time with me, which is nice. Pops in by surprise. I know I'm being insecure. I just feel like I'm never good enough for anyone. That I'm not beautiful. I've just been made to feel ugly and useless by so many people. No matter how many of my friends tell me I'm beautiful I just cant see it.

Can I not just find someone who genuinly likes me and only me?

I'm in such a shitty mood. Fuckin in pain for the last week and a half.

Hoping things finally fall into place and I catch that much needed break.