Thursday, August 5, 2010

I'm in the business of making shit happen

When I put my mind to something, I get it done. I have a lot of determination and drive. Sometimes I loose myself, but I always find my way back.

It's been surreal being home. Nothings ever as I left it. My friends have grown up but we still manage to stick together. I think about moving back and then I really don't want to. I don't necessarily want to stay in Calgary. I hate the long freezing winters. I think about moving to Hawaii all the time. I've been everywhere and If i want to go there I will. I'm going to start saving just in case. However in the meantime I'm just gunna cruise through life and if something worth while comes about living in Calgary maybe I'll stay.

I've had the chance to spend time with my sister. It's been good seeing her.

Staying on track with my diet while I'm home not so successful. Fucking cheezits and wheat thins. Apparently my friends think I crave the weirdest snacks. I wanted fig newtons till I saw the calorie content. Lets face it more people have more then 2 cookies. Oh and what I've noticed here. The serving size here on items are bigger then in Canada. It's like they're telling people it's ok to have a bigger serving cause it's only this many calories.

Sometimes i'm a little over the top re my last post. I kinda bottle my feelings up rather then expressing them at the time, cause I like to avoid conflict. I'm still talking to my mom, I did tell her she was being childish and we didn't need to argue.

In regards to douche ... guess who messaged me?! Him, why? Whatever I'm not reading into anything to do with him anymore. The dumbass is unpredictable. I have this feeling he's this really big nerd. Doesn't bother me I like nerds. I do think about him every day. Every person I've kissed since him I've felt nothing, it makes me want to end things quick with everyone else. What's the point if there's no spark? I'll never settle for less than I deserve again.

My love life has been pretty interesting Men just come up to me now. Some blatantly express interest in sleeping with me. However if I'm not good enough to date you're not good enough to fuck, haha sry. Retards I swear. I'm not used to all this attention. Sometimes it creeps me out. I don't want to become the kind of girl who goes from guy to guy. Sex is meaningful and precious. The people you let close to you in that physical sense should mean something to you

Some of my friends wish they could be like me. It was weird when they said that. Like why would u want to be like me. I wish I saw what they saw in me. They wish they had my balls and confidence. You know I don't see it like that; that I have balls or confidence. A lot of times i'm not confident in myself. I see it as expressing myself, you only live once and I hate regretting things. If there is a chance of losing someone because I'm honest then I don't expect they would have lasted in my life anyway. Sometimes I let people get away with things to save an argument, usually they'll end up hearing exactly what I'm thinking. I'm a firm believer in honesty being the best policy tho u don't need to be cruel about it.

Well I'm gunna get back to hangin with my friends. I only have a few days left until I come back to my home which is currently Calgary. Looking forward to seeing my neighbors, those guys are my buddies I love drinking with them on the porch and just chillin watchin a movie. Looking forward to seeing my bestie and my good friends.