Wednesday, May 26, 2010

The goal jeans

So I can button the goal jeans ... I can zip up the pre wedding jeans and close them and I can zip up my leather jacket. All still a bit too tight 21.2 pounds to go. You know your almost there when all of the above happens ... 248.2 WOOT!!

I would like to say I bitch and complain a lot and my life is tough and sometimes I'm lonely this is my blog this is where i vent, but I am Happy a lot happier then I used to be. I could be happier; there are things that could be improved but I am happy.

I found a dealer to buy my car ... not the price I wanted at all I wanted 6 he's offered me 4 ... going to see if I can find a few more places tm see if they can offer me more if not i'll take it back to him and sell. At least I'll have money for a little while. I can finally get a hair cut, pay some bills, get some clothes that fit, and visit my family.

The guy I like is in Vegas this week ... FML. I hope when he gets back he sees me. I wish he'd stop dicking me around. I know all I do is bitch about this guy lol. I generally have a good time when i'm with him he makes me laugh. All my friends have no hope. I don't know if I'm optimistic or pessimistic. I guess I'm kinda numb about it. So much let down from him if something good happened i'd be surprised and happy. Like when he added me to FB i was shocked and speechless. Especially since he hadn't said anything to me since he'd seen me in two weeks and then just added me. I feel kinda bad my best friend was in the middle of telling me a story and I saw he added me I missed half the story because my mind went blank from shock. It sounded like an interesting story ... yelling a gang banger cause he was woken up when drunk and didn't realize the guy had a gun lol i missed the rest ... thank god he was alive to tell me. California I swear. Anyway since he's been gone I've had crazy ass dreams. My cousin says when you dream about them it means they are thinking about you. I bet it's bullshit. Lol he's in Vegas, please.

So I'm going home for a visit. Haven't bought the tickets yet. Tho i need to get into some kind of trouble. Not getting arrested or having sex. I imagine there will be a hangover and vomiting involved. Usually is. First day back last year. Didn't make it through the first night without puking lol. As soon as I got in the car the stopped to pick up a bottle and we were drunk before we even got home lol. I love my entourage who meet me at the airport every time without fail. I FUCKING LOVE YOU GUYS!!!

We may be planning a random road trip or plane trip cause that's how we roll. Show up at the airport and go somewhere. I need some excitement. My girl Kris has been keeping me sane getting me out of my house and keeping me laughing. I owe her big time when i'm not broke. A vacation or something. I really hope I can work again. Or get some kind of an income. I cant spend the rest of my life in the house I'll go fucking crazy. I'm running out of things to day dream about. I think my buddy at the gym has moved to the other gym. I think I may have to visit him seeing as he hinted at it. Ok he didn't hint at it so much as said i'm going to the other gym and u should come see me lol. I hope that's the case otherwise he went in for his surgery :( and I don't know about it. I should ask next time i go in.

Fuck I think I'm just rambling on. I've been so bored. Oh so Kris and I found this awesome spot today. We had a little picnic. We are sitting on this ridge cause that's our thing. You know those little things you blow on to make a wish, the things with the fluff (they are actually weeds lol) well a whole bunch blew past us ... I'm taking that as good luck so I made a wish. Anyway that would so be a good spot to star gaze with someone. It's been so long since i've laid out on a summer night and star gazed. I went in to visit her at work yesterday. God one of our old store managers (I used to work there too) was such a bitch about telling her to get back to work ... Fuck authority ... Anybody who knows me knows I hate being told what to do ... and by her telling Kris to get back to work she was kicking me out lol cause I had no one else to bug I had said hi to everyone else that I used to work with already.

I'm not an overly rude person by nature. I mean sometimes I am rude about the way I phrase things. When I'm annoyed. I have no patience lately since I've quit smoking. I also have a very short fuse since my roommate set off my rage due to the whole fight incident... my shoulder is still fucked up... I'm not usually an angry person and I very rarely am violent... Self defense. Tho lately when I'm angry I find myself needing to leave the situation and take very deep breaths so I don't freak out. Fortunately I only have a couple days left to put up with my roommate and she hasn't done anything to piss me off in front of me only things I notice when she's not home. Growing up the way I did it's very hard to control my anger. Which is why I keep my life as peaceful as possible. Like I said by nature I don't like to get angry. I don't like confrontation. Most people would probably think I'm a push over because I notice things that bother me and don't say anything because I'd rather just avoid confrontation, cause I know if i say something I'm going to be rude and it's going to start a fight.

Right now I just kinda feel like I'm floating through life. I have my goals but everything is kinda just on hold which is gay. It would be nice if I could have a special person to be a part of my life. My life is kind of unorganized. I have so many things I want to do. So many hobbies I want to take up. I wish i could be doing them right now, so frustrating bah ... lol ... U know what I need a guitar lol. I miss playing an instrument.

Oh yah so something cool that happened. When I walked into my old job yesterday. I hadn't gone in in a long time. Everyone looked at me kinda shocked because they hadn't seen me in so long and I had lost soo much weight. One was like wow u look good. The others didn't say anything they just looked at me up and down but u could tell they noticed they were surprised. Another said something when i mentioned how much I had lost. It's nice when people are happy for you or even when they are kinda jealous. What I wish they would realize is that they could do it to. It just requires being happy. You have the power to change your life and make you happy. You only get one life make the most of it :)