I'm surprisingly really happy

So this week in review lol from what I can remember anyway.

I hit 237 this week 76lbs gone. Woohoo! I also fit into xl adidas yoga pants and they looked good. One of the girls at work goes in at 7 to get her workout in. She wants me to start going with her to motivate her. I could use a push too. What this means is I'll be going to bed even earlier then before. I need a lot of sleep to be able to function properly.

I got a call from a family member at 4am this week. If you don't believe in 6th senses then stop reading. A few of us in my family have the gift of premonitions they come in dreams. I've done it before; predicted things before they happened. I usually tell someone and forget about it till it happens. Last year I told a colleague I was working with that she would be leaving this job and working at a bar again. She was like yah right ... she ended up at a bar again. I had a dream about a hanging and I told one of my old cop roommates and she had gone to a hanging that night. There are other incidents but its whatevs. Anyway so I got a call in the middle of the night telling me they had a dream about my grandma passing away this year, her lungs will fail her. Of course I was really upset to hear that cause last time she had a dream my grandpa died. I haven't been able to see my grandma in a few years and I wish I could spend more time with her. I also wish I could spend more time with my mom. It's been about a 1 1/2 since I've seen her.

I went and stopped by one of my cop friends houses this week. My ex is still friends with them and stops round on occasion. Her husband hadn't seen me in a really long time so it was prob a shock how different I look. She saw me and she was like OMG it's half an Elli.

You know what bugs me. When people say they want to loose weight and then don't really do anything about it. You're not fat for no reason. You're fat because u eat unhealthy and don't get enough exercise. Believe me I've been in the denial stage, it took me a long time to get over it and to get my ass in gear. My mom has gained weight again. It makes me sad because she went through a gastric bypass and she's gaining weight back again. She almost died having that surgery. I love her and I want her to be healthy and happy. I told myself if I get into a relationship and I gain more then 15lbs then I'm obviously unhappy and need to dump the guy lol. I'm not eating out of depression or boredom again. I won't even let myself gain 15lbs I never let myself gain more then 5 before I kick my own ass into gear. My roommate he said to me ln he's like "you look really good whatever you're doing keep doing it. You should walk out of this house feeling 100% confident about the way you look." Of course that made me feel really good especially since I just fit into my size 20 jeans. I knew I'd get to wear them again ^_^.


I've had the urge to pray this week. I'm not really religious. I don't know if there's a god but I have hope that when I pray I'm not just talking to myself. I'm more spiritual. I want to find a meditation centre. I've been in a lot of pain lately.

I've been giving out my diet plan. Everyone is happy about that. I went to a party last night the first party not the second one. I got like 4 different invites last night cause I'm popular like that. They were watching what I was eating. It made me laugh. I'm like a spokes person for weight loss. I actually talked to this chick at work and got the name of her plastic surgeon. She had a tummy tuck and I'm getting loose skin already and I haven't even finished my weight loss. I figured If I get a consult right now on a tummy tuck and breast lift then I know what I need to strive for financially and physically. After I'm finished I really just want to look beautiful and normal. I know I am beautiful but the idea of have a flat stomach is very appealing to me.

I saw Tim ^_^ he let me keep his lighter. He's awesome, I like him, hope he sticks around. I have the biggest smile after I've seen him.

Today is my sweet little nephews bday. Nephew through friendship I'm known as Auntie Elli. He's gunna be 2 today. I got to help with my kids in the nursery this week, for a little bit. They make me happy. I love hanging with the kids. It's fascinating to watch them grow and develop.

Anyway I'm going to go and enjoy the rest of my weekend. You all have a good day.

Canadian Thanksgiving

I am thankful for happiness and the people who love me.

I cook every year for people that dont really have family here. So what's on the menu today.

Turkey
Mashed potatoes
Yams
Cornbread
Stuffing
cranberry sauce
corn and green beans

One of my supposed friends were supposed to come for dinner but as usual she tripped out cause I got whipped cream instead of cool whip. I'm tempted to call her some kind of rude name but i'll bite my tongue. I'm done with her bs.

I'm having dinner with my roommate, I invited the neighbors and some other friends. It doesn't really matter who shows up. It's gunna be good food.

Tim spent the night with me Saturday. It was awesome. I got a text at like 1:30am and of course this one song was going through my head: "Cause if u callin at 2 in the morning it only means one thing, booty call boo boo booty call." Fuck my life lol.

Anyway. He came over we chilled and talked for a bit. He's good to talk to. Every man I've met born in '87 are pretty f'd in the head. Lets hope that's not the case with him. It was seriously awesome tho. He spent the night. He fell asleep with me in his arms. We cuddled, in the morning he pulled me in close. We got dressed which was pretty pointless, cause we just ended up undressed again lmao. Guess I looked sexy in that outfit haha. He looked sooo hot. He totally made me laugh telling me about how he asked his buddy if his outfit looked gay, and I was like dude u look hot. :)I invited him to thanksgiving dinner but I don't think he's gunna come. "Booty call boo boo booty call" LMAO who the fuck knows. He did get a little wound up when I walked to the bathroom in my panties. "Do u always walk around with no top on?" me "No, he just left for work" him "what if he forgot his keys?" I shrugged it off. Then I got a text from him saying "don't lock the door I forgot my keys" irony's a bitch and I laughed. If only he knew I tan topless on Holidays in Europe LMFAO.

Anyway Happy Canadian Thanksgiving everyone hahaha

"He's out there ... He's just with all the wrong women"

Soooo I met this guy named Tim :P There is no competition between him and any of the other men who've been in my life. He blew them all out of the water. I don't even think Brad stands a chance against this one. Not like he plans on making a come back anyway haha. He's bigger built, kinda like Brads body type but more muscular. Probably because of the kind of work he does. Blonde hair blue eyes. He kinda reminds me of the dude from nip tuck Dylan Walsh. Ok really just the eyes are similar lol. I had a great time with him. He came over and we chilled in the afternoon. Watched part of a movie, drank some of my JD, we talked and such lol ... OMG Step Brothers is hilarious. I haven't even finished the movie yet but he's letting me borrow it which is sweet. He loved the back massage I gave him. I got one in return lol, like I'm gunna give out free massages (I'm the best). He said we have to do this again and I got the hugest hug. Loved it. I bet he could pick me up :P

It was just so easy with him. I've never had that. Simple, I wasn't nervous, he's good to talk to and the conversation just flowed. He has a sweet truck. My roommate thought he was cute too lol. Oh and he introduced himself to my roommate which I thought was polite and shook his hand. We have a lot of random things in common. I have a cork board in my room it's all my travels and adventures. He was looking at it. Saw the ticket to the stamps game I went to on Canada day and he said "that's weird I was sitting a row behind you at the game I went to yest"

If for some reason I don't see him again at least I got a dvd and a massage out of the deal haha. But as usual I hope I do. He's got some fun hobbies I wouldn't mind trying out.

My cat was just licking a green tea, tea bag. She's such a weirdo.

I'm saving for works Christmas party. I've heard it's wild. I want to wear a little red dress. I already have a date for it. Tho If I'm seeing someone I'll bring them with me instead. It's already been discussed.

The benefits of being the administrator I get to order shit. There is this blue hoodie I really wanted, we don't carry it anymore but I get to order it in for myself. Woot Woot! It's this beautiful blue color I love it. I'm already striving towards a new position that will be available in say a little under nine months lol. I've already talked to my boss about it and she said we can work towards it. Fingers crossed, It would be a wicked position.

Back to work tm. Don't think I can do Bodyflow or Pilates this week unless I talk to my Manager and ask her if I could do my last hour after the class. I'm working extra hours this week training someone, yay I'm important. I love my work uniform it's awesome.

"He's out there. He's just with all the wrong women" ps I love you. I think it's true.

Best Night Ever!!! :D

soo here's how my day went in a short version cause Im exhausted and need to go to sleep.

I got a present from one of my clients

My good friend did a surprise dinner (kinda) lol and we had Jerk chicken, where I then ran into my neighbors gf and had dinner with her as well.

I then rescheduled my date with Bryce (new guy) to see Shawn (guy I was dating in July).

I had the best night with Shawn. He likes my body u can tell. It's the first time anyone has ever showed me that kind of affection. He is such a sweetie. Holds my hand, kisses my neck (fav thing btw).

I won't even see Bryce if Shawn wants to hang out more often cause that's how I am, he's growing on me. I like him. Tho I wont make the same mistake twice.

Shawn wasn't who I was hoping to hear from but it turned out to be better then the person I was hoping 4.

We'll see how it goes with Shawn. Hopefully I get to see him again :D

I'm in the business of making shit happen

When I put my mind to something, I get it done. I have a lot of determination and drive. Sometimes I loose myself, but I always find my way back.

It's been surreal being home. Nothings ever as I left it. My friends have grown up but we still manage to stick together. I think about moving back and then I really don't want to. I don't necessarily want to stay in Calgary. I hate the long freezing winters. I think about moving to Hawaii all the time. I've been everywhere and If i want to go there I will. I'm going to start saving just in case. However in the meantime I'm just gunna cruise through life and if something worth while comes about living in Calgary maybe I'll stay.

I've had the chance to spend time with my sister. It's been good seeing her.

Staying on track with my diet while I'm home not so successful. Fucking cheezits and wheat thins. Apparently my friends think I crave the weirdest snacks. I wanted fig newtons till I saw the calorie content. Lets face it more people have more then 2 cookies. Oh and what I've noticed here. The serving size here on items are bigger then in Canada. It's like they're telling people it's ok to have a bigger serving cause it's only this many calories.

Sometimes i'm a little over the top re my last post. I kinda bottle my feelings up rather then expressing them at the time, cause I like to avoid conflict. I'm still talking to my mom, I did tell her she was being childish and we didn't need to argue.

In regards to douche ... guess who messaged me?! Him, why? Whatever I'm not reading into anything to do with him anymore. The dumbass is unpredictable. I have this feeling he's this really big nerd. Doesn't bother me I like nerds. I do think about him every day. Every person I've kissed since him I've felt nothing, it makes me want to end things quick with everyone else. What's the point if there's no spark? I'll never settle for less than I deserve again.

My love life has been pretty interesting Men just come up to me now. Some blatantly express interest in sleeping with me. However if I'm not good enough to date you're not good enough to fuck, haha sry. Retards I swear. I'm not used to all this attention. Sometimes it creeps me out. I don't want to become the kind of girl who goes from guy to guy. Sex is meaningful and precious. The people you let close to you in that physical sense should mean something to you

Some of my friends wish they could be like me. It was weird when they said that. Like why would u want to be like me. I wish I saw what they saw in me. They wish they had my balls and confidence. You know I don't see it like that; that I have balls or confidence. A lot of times i'm not confident in myself. I see it as expressing myself, you only live once and I hate regretting things. If there is a chance of losing someone because I'm honest then I don't expect they would have lasted in my life anyway. Sometimes I let people get away with things to save an argument, usually they'll end up hearing exactly what I'm thinking. I'm a firm believer in honesty being the best policy tho u don't need to be cruel about it.

Well I'm gunna get back to hangin with my friends. I only have a few days left until I come back to my home which is currently Calgary. Looking forward to seeing my neighbors, those guys are my buddies I love drinking with them on the porch and just chillin watchin a movie. Looking forward to seeing my bestie and my good friends.

Born To Walk Away ... Peace Out

In my 24 years of life I have had so much hurt. People walking all over me treating me like shit. I'm done with that. People may see it as me being a bitch but it's my life and I just want good people in my life. Anyone who brings me down I'm saying peace out. I don't need that shit.

A supposed friend of mine yesterday said I don't care about ur "little friends". Fuck you I don't give a shit about the handful of guys u have on the go either. You cause you're own problems. You're dramatic and rude and u bring nothing good to my life ... peace out.

I call my mom and she's like you're calling early you woke everyone up. What's up? Why the fuck would I want to talk to you after you said that to me. Sorry for bothering u mom and being an annoying inconvenience ... Honestly I forgot about the time difference and I said that and she carried on about that. I knew she was awake I just didn't think about the time difference and everyone else who's sleeping ... peace out mom.

The newbie is gone. No surprise ... If I don't walk away then they do ... peace out

My heart still hurts over douche, I miss him. I hate him for making me feel this hurt. I hate him for never giving me a chance. I hate him for the false promises. I'm not dumb. He may have had a slight inclination to see me again but that faded fast. I'm guessing when some other chick paid him some interest. Whatever, you have done nothing for me. The one time where u made me feel beautiful that's all you've done for me. Now over shadowed by the fact u don't want me cause I'm fat. Why do I still try. Cause I fell fast and hard for u that's why, as soon as I saw u I felt it ... you don't want me ... peace out.

To my ex husband ... I accepted you left me. I accepted it when u got a gf. I accept her because she makes u happy and she seems like a nice person. I accept the fact that you want to have a family with her but you never wanted one with me.I let you go because I wanted you to be happy, and I am so happy that you're happy. I don't miss you. Us splitting up was for the best. I'm happier now. I'm grateful for everything you've done for me I wish we could have stayed friends, but you just want to erase me from your life like I never existed ... peace out.

To everyone who has ever said something hurtful to me ... fuck you ... peace out!

Walking away is my specialty ... the amount of times I've moved and had to leave people behind ... I was born to walk away.