So today is the first day of the SB diet for me. I was OK until about 2pm when the withdrawals started. I NEED BREAD! I had a headache the kind that absolutely makes your whole head ache down to your neck. But I have made it with only two little cheats I had a cup of coffee at work and I think It had two teaspoons of Sugar and semi skimmed milk (I'm not sure though I didn't make it) and i had a half a glass of white whine which in all honesty I might make a full glass. I had my fish it was a smoked salmon i managed to eat a little over half of my small piece but couldn't manage another bite I was starting to fell nauseated with the thought of it. Well done to me. I pre prepared my lunch for tm and by bacon for breakfast well turkey bacon! I haven't added everything to my diet i haven't had any of the olive oil dressings like it says i just can be asked to make them.
I got a comment from a Donna Miller. Who are you? I'm not doing the Dr Phil one I'm doing South Beach. As for the bit where it says Get Real I am completely Realistic about the fact what I eat makes me fat and isn't contributing to my weight loss (obviously). I only took a small bit offence to it but other wise I'm fine. I can take constructive criticism the sweetie part made it seem less harsh.
Thank you to everyone who has been commenting It does make me feel better to have all of the support. Lets see how day 2 goes of SB lets just hope in 2 weeks time i have something to show for it. Tomorrow I have a tuna Salad Yum (NOT) but I have to say I haven't had any of the snacks in between and I haven't had serious hunger pangs So all in all its OK. I walked to work which I usually do so about a 12min walk and I managed to walk home which I havent done since before I was on Crutches in July. It was pain full on my knee but i only have to do it every couple of weeks now when my husband is at work. At least it saves me £3 each way lol I feel bad that the taxi drivers had to drive me such a short distance. Well That's all for today 1 down 13 days to go until I can have carbs again no white bread :-( tho.
Monday, October 22, 2007
Sunday, October 21, 2007
The Dreaded Gym
I went to the gym today and did 20min of cardio and a little bit of weights. I managed to do more of the cross trainer then normal (it's very similar to the elliptical machine) I did 13 minutes today before my legs felt like fire. And sad i know but i did 7 minuets of the cycling machine. We then went to the little cafe there and again people were looking at me. Maybe i should get a new gym kit that covers every inch of me. It just angers me. I also saw someone who i normally speak to at the gym but haven't seen because i haven't been there in ages. I told him i gained some weight and was trying to loose it. He said he could tell I gained a bit of weight. He said it kindly but no one wants to hear that. It is Obvious in every part of me you look at.
At the little cafe i noticed my husband looking at this girl. I said hey do it a little less obviously. He said he cant help if she's pretty. I said she's not that pretty she has chunky thighs (by the way I'm Bi)I also thought she was wearing too much make-up but kept that to myself. He said "What she's gorgeous". I said when I loose all my weight you better tell me that. I don't blame him for looking hell i notice hot men. We were watching rugby last night and I said hey can't you get some thighs like that yum. My husband is very slender he has a runners body and probably doesn't weigh more than 140 pounds at the most (bastard lol j/k).
I went to the store today to pick up stuff for the SB diet it looked gross but I'm hoping it isn't all that bad maybe it will give me some variety. I am tired of eating chicken and mashed potatoes all the time. So I will eat the last bit of white bread that i will be able to have for a long time and enjoy my last night of being fat. From here on out we will have a RESULT I PROMISE IT!
I'm tired of being fat. 1yr of suffering or a life time of stares snickering fat clothes and breathless walks up hills and stairs!
Thanks to all of you have commented it makes me feel a whole lot better. It just feels like i will never be able to do it and a year seems like such a long time. I know it will go by quick it always does. The end result will be worth it.
At the little cafe i noticed my husband looking at this girl. I said hey do it a little less obviously. He said he cant help if she's pretty. I said she's not that pretty she has chunky thighs (by the way I'm Bi)I also thought she was wearing too much make-up but kept that to myself. He said "What she's gorgeous". I said when I loose all my weight you better tell me that. I don't blame him for looking hell i notice hot men. We were watching rugby last night and I said hey can't you get some thighs like that yum. My husband is very slender he has a runners body and probably doesn't weigh more than 140 pounds at the most (bastard lol j/k).
I went to the store today to pick up stuff for the SB diet it looked gross but I'm hoping it isn't all that bad maybe it will give me some variety. I am tired of eating chicken and mashed potatoes all the time. So I will eat the last bit of white bread that i will be able to have for a long time and enjoy my last night of being fat. From here on out we will have a RESULT I PROMISE IT!
I'm tired of being fat. 1yr of suffering or a life time of stares snickering fat clothes and breathless walks up hills and stairs!
Thanks to all of you have commented it makes me feel a whole lot better. It just feels like i will never be able to do it and a year seems like such a long time. I know it will go by quick it always does. The end result will be worth it.
Saturday, October 20, 2007
The South Beach Diet
So my day has been OK I had my usual breakfast which consists of a bowl of cereal, two slices of toast with flora (butter substitute) and a glass of orange juice. Then for lunch I had some chicken nuggets 7 to be exact, a packet of leek cheese and ham pasta and sauce, a whole baguette with flora, and two glasses of sparkling wine. For dinner we went out I got fajitas (they don't do justice to actual fajitas this is England). It came with a salad no dressing some tortilla chips and guacamole (not very many tortilla chips). I had a glass of water and a vodka and coke.
As recommended to me by http://exfatgirl.blogspot.com/ who is also doing the south beach diet and has had fantastic results I might add. I thought I'd give it a go. So i picked up the books and have had a quick read through so far It doesn't sound like it will kill me (maybe for the first two weeks eek no bread)! I have never had veg in the morning and other than bacon and maybe sausage I have never had meet in the morning either. It will definitely be interesting it would be great if i had a good result for the first two weeks. I need to read the book a bit more and pick up some stuff at the store. I am not looking forward to the fish part of it as I hate hate hate seafood.
My husband and I went out to eat today with some people we don't really know. We parked at the bottom of a small hill lucky me! I started walking ahead of everyone else because I know I'm slow and they would catch up with me eventually also I knew i would be out of breath and didn't want to embarrass myself. I was still a little ways ahead so when I got to the top of the hill I stopped so they wouldn't think i was being rude. After the restaurant yet again I have to walk up a small hill I guess my husband would call it a slope as it isn't very steep. I had to have him go slower as the incline was killing my knee and ankle and also I couldn't breath. I had a tightness in my chest and a very bad burning sensation. Does that happen to anyone else the burning sensation? My husband says "It's sad you can't even walk up that little hill". By that point i was irked to say the least. I said 'not only do I have an injured ankle but I'm caring 300 pounds you try it'. Obviously this made way for a retort "well if you didn't weigh 300 pounds" and then i of course said 'well if I didn't get married I wouldn't have gained the weight'. Lol I know it's not really his fault he didn't put the food in my mouth I did. He knows I'm trying to loose the weight. So I kindly ask if he can encourage me next time and say "GOOD JOB LIZ YOU MADE IT UP THE HILL". Seeing as I did make it up the damn hill. I do my best to avoid hills at all costs.
Then when we got to the restaurant i had to make my husband switch chairs with me as I had the one with arms on it. I needed a chair without arms so ...
1. I don't get stuck
2. So I'm not Uncomfortable
3. So my fat doesn't spill out of the bars of the chair
4. So people can't see that their is no room left in the chair
The only bad part of sitting in an Open chair is that you can see my ass spills over the side. At least I can still manage to sit in chairs and not break them. That's something right. Don't even get me started on airplane seats. I could barley close the buckle when i was 30 pounds lighter i can just imagine now i would need a seat belt extension. Also those damn little trays don't fold all the way down my stomach is in the way. I'm constantly being hit by the person with the cart, Because i have to sit in the isle so my body doesn't hit everyone when i try and get out of the seat to use the toilet.
OK that's enough for tonight. I'm going to go eat my two biscuits and drink the rest of my bottle of wine and call it a day. Tomorrow is a New Day where I will attempt to begin not a diet but a life change (so my mother says). Goodnight and Don't dream of food!
As recommended to me by http://exfatgirl.blogspot.com/ who is also doing the south beach diet and has had fantastic results I might add. I thought I'd give it a go. So i picked up the books and have had a quick read through so far It doesn't sound like it will kill me (maybe for the first two weeks eek no bread)! I have never had veg in the morning and other than bacon and maybe sausage I have never had meet in the morning either. It will definitely be interesting it would be great if i had a good result for the first two weeks. I need to read the book a bit more and pick up some stuff at the store. I am not looking forward to the fish part of it as I hate hate hate seafood.
My husband and I went out to eat today with some people we don't really know. We parked at the bottom of a small hill lucky me! I started walking ahead of everyone else because I know I'm slow and they would catch up with me eventually also I knew i would be out of breath and didn't want to embarrass myself. I was still a little ways ahead so when I got to the top of the hill I stopped so they wouldn't think i was being rude. After the restaurant yet again I have to walk up a small hill I guess my husband would call it a slope as it isn't very steep. I had to have him go slower as the incline was killing my knee and ankle and also I couldn't breath. I had a tightness in my chest and a very bad burning sensation. Does that happen to anyone else the burning sensation? My husband says "It's sad you can't even walk up that little hill". By that point i was irked to say the least. I said 'not only do I have an injured ankle but I'm caring 300 pounds you try it'. Obviously this made way for a retort "well if you didn't weigh 300 pounds" and then i of course said 'well if I didn't get married I wouldn't have gained the weight'. Lol I know it's not really his fault he didn't put the food in my mouth I did. He knows I'm trying to loose the weight. So I kindly ask if he can encourage me next time and say "GOOD JOB LIZ YOU MADE IT UP THE HILL". Seeing as I did make it up the damn hill. I do my best to avoid hills at all costs.
Then when we got to the restaurant i had to make my husband switch chairs with me as I had the one with arms on it. I needed a chair without arms so ...
1. I don't get stuck
2. So I'm not Uncomfortable
3. So my fat doesn't spill out of the bars of the chair
4. So people can't see that their is no room left in the chair
The only bad part of sitting in an Open chair is that you can see my ass spills over the side. At least I can still manage to sit in chairs and not break them. That's something right. Don't even get me started on airplane seats. I could barley close the buckle when i was 30 pounds lighter i can just imagine now i would need a seat belt extension. Also those damn little trays don't fold all the way down my stomach is in the way. I'm constantly being hit by the person with the cart, Because i have to sit in the isle so my body doesn't hit everyone when i try and get out of the seat to use the toilet.
OK that's enough for tonight. I'm going to go eat my two biscuits and drink the rest of my bottle of wine and call it a day. Tomorrow is a New Day where I will attempt to begin not a diet but a life change (so my mother says). Goodnight and Don't dream of food!
Friday, October 19, 2007
TGIF AND I DONT MEAN THE RESTAURANT
Well it's Friday thankfully. I feel worn out this week it doesn't help that I'm obsessed with reading. I stayed up past midnight several times to read this week. Again my back is killing me and i have an hour and a half left at work. So for lunch i originally brought boiled rice seeing as i didn't have enough change to buy anything from the sandwich van that stops by work. Also i was too tired to make anything this morning so i ended up with the left over rice from last nights dinner. It wasn't brilliant to say the least. I scrounged up enough change to get some chips (crisps to those in the UK) and a banana so i have to say rice a banana and chips is one of the more interesting meals i have had and definitely not my favorite. I also have a sore throat lucky me lets hope it goes away before i get sick.
I'm craving sweets boy would i love a cheesecake or some chocolate chip cookies right now. I also would love a Cosmo god i love those things. I think we are starting to see why I'm fat. I wonder what I'm having for dinner. Do you ever cook your meal and start planning exactly what your going to have for your other meals before you even need to? I do all the time it makes me crazy. I hate arguing with people over food and it embarrasses me. Do you constantly think people are staring at you WHICH THEY USUALLY ARE ITS RUDE; DO I STARE AT YOU BECAUSE I THINK YOUR CALVES OR FAT OR YOU HAVE A CROOKED NOSE OR THAT HORRIBLE FAKE TAN YOU WEAR WE CAN TELL YOU LOOK ORANGE! Any way I'll stop with the tangent. It's like last weekend I'm wearing my gym clothes because believe it or not i went to the gym only for 16 minuets though, i know it's pathetic but my knee is killing me and i just didn't feel up for it. So I'm wearing my gym clothes and i go into a coffee shop to get something and some guy is staring at me. I was gonna shout hey buddy do you mind! Granted I was in line for a brownie and a hot chocolate, but he certainly didn't know that. I know you can see my roll of fat which here in England is referred to as an apron. Don't they realise insults and staring make you feel worse and drive you to want comfort. Comfort in which you can only find in food.
I often find myself sad and wanting to eat to make me feel better unconsciously obviously (well most of the time anyway). So I stuff myself until I'm sick literally. I believe that is called binging and purging. I will admit it I am a fat person with an eating disorder. I over indulge and I comfort eat I also Occasionally Binge and Purge.
I keep thinking when I loose all the weight if i don't look the way I want to what will I do? Cosmetically I mean. I'd like an ass lift, a breast lift well possibly implants. I know i want lipo they say that the fat cells only shrink they don't go away and I want them permanently removed! I keep picking out other flaws too i don't like the skin on my face should i get a facial peel? My nose droops just a little should i have that snipped a bit. Lets face it If your pretty and intelligent you will get every where in life. If your fat and smart all people see is the outside not the woman within. They see a fat slob. Well guess what I'm only occasionally a slob just like everyone else (except those people with OCD who have to clean constantly).
I'm craving sweets boy would i love a cheesecake or some chocolate chip cookies right now. I also would love a Cosmo god i love those things. I think we are starting to see why I'm fat. I wonder what I'm having for dinner. Do you ever cook your meal and start planning exactly what your going to have for your other meals before you even need to? I do all the time it makes me crazy. I hate arguing with people over food and it embarrasses me. Do you constantly think people are staring at you WHICH THEY USUALLY ARE ITS RUDE; DO I STARE AT YOU BECAUSE I THINK YOUR CALVES OR FAT OR YOU HAVE A CROOKED NOSE OR THAT HORRIBLE FAKE TAN YOU WEAR WE CAN TELL YOU LOOK ORANGE! Any way I'll stop with the tangent. It's like last weekend I'm wearing my gym clothes because believe it or not i went to the gym only for 16 minuets though, i know it's pathetic but my knee is killing me and i just didn't feel up for it. So I'm wearing my gym clothes and i go into a coffee shop to get something and some guy is staring at me. I was gonna shout hey buddy do you mind! Granted I was in line for a brownie and a hot chocolate, but he certainly didn't know that. I know you can see my roll of fat which here in England is referred to as an apron. Don't they realise insults and staring make you feel worse and drive you to want comfort. Comfort in which you can only find in food.
I often find myself sad and wanting to eat to make me feel better unconsciously obviously (well most of the time anyway). So I stuff myself until I'm sick literally. I believe that is called binging and purging. I will admit it I am a fat person with an eating disorder. I over indulge and I comfort eat I also Occasionally Binge and Purge.
I keep thinking when I loose all the weight if i don't look the way I want to what will I do? Cosmetically I mean. I'd like an ass lift, a breast lift well possibly implants. I know i want lipo they say that the fat cells only shrink they don't go away and I want them permanently removed! I keep picking out other flaws too i don't like the skin on my face should i get a facial peel? My nose droops just a little should i have that snipped a bit. Lets face it If your pretty and intelligent you will get every where in life. If your fat and smart all people see is the outside not the woman within. They see a fat slob. Well guess what I'm only occasionally a slob just like everyone else (except those people with OCD who have to clean constantly).
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Me at my heaviest
This was my 22nd B-day as I look at this picture I feel depressed. For my 23 B-day I would love to at least be back where I was 227. God I'd love to say I'd like to be in a bikini but i think that goal isn't very sensible.
All about Me
I'm 22 i have been fat since i was 9 years old. Who's to blame for that I really dont know? My lowest weight as an adult was 227 pounds and for being a bigger woman i looked damn good. Due to a series of events in my life I became a bit depressed; and like many turn to food for comfort (obviously not on purpous). At 5'4.5 I now weigh 300 pounds they say a women doesnt like to reveal her weight. Well duh we dont. However I am, I want to write this blog to show people my life. Life as a fat person dont take offence to how i phrase things. I'm blunt i get straight to the point usualy causing insult to injury (again not on purpose).
I was recently diagnosed with an illness called fybromyalgia. I suffer from the following symoptoms:
*Headaches
*IBS
*Cold like symptoms no cold
*Skin sensitivity
*Sleeping Problems
*Joint pain
*Depression
I never want to do anything I'm always in pain god my back is killing me. I cant lie down for too long i cant sit for too long i cant stand for too long. Walking for an extended period of time is pain full on my back legs feet and my energy level drops. When I tell people I love the gym they probably think I'm nuts. I love to exercises I just don't have the energy. I like to think I eat a lot better then other larger people do. In some ways I do I hate fried food the oil and the smell. I used to eat fast food all the time. Now the only fast food i get is Chinese. The problem I have is my eyes are bigger then my stomach. Since I'm being honest I could probably eat a small plate and be satisfied for a few hours. I have a problem where i regurgitate food ( I know gross)! If ate small portions I believe this wouldn't happen. My problem is I have no self control. My weight is putting a bit of a strain on my marriage. My Husband loves me, but hes a healthy thin man In his early 20's and he is physically active he loves sports, which I am unable to participate. When we are intimate i have to have the lights off i don't want him to see me. In fact i don't want to see me it's a turn off to myself lol :-) i know it sounds stupid.
I have seriously considered a gastric band. Someone in my family was over weight and they had a gastric bypass unfortunately with serious complications fortunately they made it through and lost over 100 pnds. and looks fabulous. The reason i haven't really tried before is i guess i just don't see it. I don't see how fat I am, in my head I'm a small person. It's like the movie "Shallow Hal" I pick up my underwear and I'm like F**K those are gigantic what the hell happened. Denial happened! When I get In my crazy mode i wish i could chop it all off (obviously not an option). I constantly worry will my skin go back will my breasts sag. Coco Butter for the stretch marks I'm fortunate enough not to have deeply embedded stretch marks but i have them all over my stomach back arms and i have deep ones in my shoulders that look like someone to a knife to me.
Since I have gained even more weight I have lost all interest in my appearance. I shower every other day washing my hair and the rest of me. I cant be asked to blow dry it or straighten it so it usually ends up looking like a disaster. I would love to be one of those people who wake up every morning do their hair and make up have a sensible breakfast make my lunch for work and head off. Instead I get up put my clothes on brush my hair or if its not to bad just tie it up well either way its tied up. have breakfast go lay back down until i have to leave.
I'm unhappy and people think 'PUT THE FOOD DOWN' I wish it was that simple. My husband hides junk food from me or tries to give me a smaller portion and sometimes I just cry. It's pathetic to cry over food. I look at me and think half the crap I have eaten could have fed a several people in Africa. Does anyone else feel the way I do? Anyhow today my diet has been sensible. Though it has a lot of room for improvement. My goal is to get myself exercising some more.
Weight loss goals:
Get back to 227 and then proceed to lower my weight.
i would like to loose 2 stone by DEC which is around 30 pounds. Lets see what I can do. I am currently taking a tablet called xenical which will help me with that it is a prescription with nasty side effects. 2 words to consider when taking them if you don't follow their advice Adult Diapers!
I was recently diagnosed with an illness called fybromyalgia. I suffer from the following symoptoms:
*Headaches
*IBS
*Cold like symptoms no cold
*Skin sensitivity
*Sleeping Problems
*Joint pain
*Depression
I never want to do anything I'm always in pain god my back is killing me. I cant lie down for too long i cant sit for too long i cant stand for too long. Walking for an extended period of time is pain full on my back legs feet and my energy level drops. When I tell people I love the gym they probably think I'm nuts. I love to exercises I just don't have the energy. I like to think I eat a lot better then other larger people do. In some ways I do I hate fried food the oil and the smell. I used to eat fast food all the time. Now the only fast food i get is Chinese. The problem I have is my eyes are bigger then my stomach. Since I'm being honest I could probably eat a small plate and be satisfied for a few hours. I have a problem where i regurgitate food ( I know gross)! If ate small portions I believe this wouldn't happen. My problem is I have no self control. My weight is putting a bit of a strain on my marriage. My Husband loves me, but hes a healthy thin man In his early 20's and he is physically active he loves sports, which I am unable to participate. When we are intimate i have to have the lights off i don't want him to see me. In fact i don't want to see me it's a turn off to myself lol :-) i know it sounds stupid.
I have seriously considered a gastric band. Someone in my family was over weight and they had a gastric bypass unfortunately with serious complications fortunately they made it through and lost over 100 pnds. and looks fabulous. The reason i haven't really tried before is i guess i just don't see it. I don't see how fat I am, in my head I'm a small person. It's like the movie "Shallow Hal" I pick up my underwear and I'm like F**K those are gigantic what the hell happened. Denial happened! When I get In my crazy mode i wish i could chop it all off (obviously not an option). I constantly worry will my skin go back will my breasts sag. Coco Butter for the stretch marks I'm fortunate enough not to have deeply embedded stretch marks but i have them all over my stomach back arms and i have deep ones in my shoulders that look like someone to a knife to me.
Since I have gained even more weight I have lost all interest in my appearance. I shower every other day washing my hair and the rest of me. I cant be asked to blow dry it or straighten it so it usually ends up looking like a disaster. I would love to be one of those people who wake up every morning do their hair and make up have a sensible breakfast make my lunch for work and head off. Instead I get up put my clothes on brush my hair or if its not to bad just tie it up well either way its tied up. have breakfast go lay back down until i have to leave.
I'm unhappy and people think 'PUT THE FOOD DOWN' I wish it was that simple. My husband hides junk food from me or tries to give me a smaller portion and sometimes I just cry. It's pathetic to cry over food. I look at me and think half the crap I have eaten could have fed a several people in Africa. Does anyone else feel the way I do? Anyhow today my diet has been sensible. Though it has a lot of room for improvement. My goal is to get myself exercising some more.
Weight loss goals:
Get back to 227 and then proceed to lower my weight.
i would like to loose 2 stone by DEC which is around 30 pounds. Lets see what I can do. I am currently taking a tablet called xenical which will help me with that it is a prescription with nasty side effects. 2 words to consider when taking them if you don't follow their advice Adult Diapers!
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