Thanking God

When things are going so bad I just have to thank god that they aren't any worse. I lost my necklace. I've had that necklace since '01 it's religion in unity. I'm gutted.

My roommate is moving to BC in a month and a half for school. I have no idea what I'm going to do. I can't afford to take over his deposit and he's good with letting me pay him half the rent each pay check (cheque).

I got pulled over today. Apparently my reg is expired. That wasn't my only problem but she was awesome and let me off. The thing I've learned with cops is that you just need to be honest. It's bullshitting that gets u in trouble ... you know what?! I was pulled over November '03 too and I was let off then too. That cop he was cool too. I was a pathetic mess.

I'm a firm believer in telling the truth. I hate lying. I hate liars. If I don't want to answer a question I will either say it's none of ur concern or divert the question. Tho usualy I'll answer, I don't have secrets I'm an open book. I'll tell u anything u want to know.

So for more upbeat news ... I contacted the regional marketing director for the west coast (lady I met the day I got to speak in front of everyone) and she's gunna let me be a part of their advertising. Don't know what that entails. My club uses me to sell. Someone wants to loose weight they have me meet them so I can tell them my story. Or they tell them about me. We actually are putting up pictures of me up in the club. Before, mid point, now and then progress pics. Which I think is pretty cool. I actually like telling them, they always ask how I did it. I laugh every time ... diet and exercise... who knew haha.

I'm trying to unwind. Cotton mouth and cornbread, not the smartest combo haha.

So my medical treatment starts next week. I have a seminar next week. The week after I have a two hour doctors apt. The week after that I have a 2 hour physio appointment. Then Dec 23 I have a Psychology appointment. Their going to help me cope with being sick, I'm having a hard time with acceptance. I go through the grieving stages over and over; my mom is a therapist and if ur from Cali u've probably had a therapist or you should get one LOL! I actually hate therapists no offense to anyone just my personal preference. I'd tell u why my mom put me in therapy when I was 8 but it's so dumb and it only half worked. I always take the piss.

I wonder what this weekend has in store for me. Who knows but I sure do hope it's a good one.

I have to head to bed. Another early start tomorrow. Tho I'm working early so I can go to the combat class. I was watching this instructors baby in child minding. She's so gunna kick my ass. She's lucky I'm going hahaha. I keep seeing the babies get bigger and bigger. The kids I used to watch run up to me and give me big hugs. Some of the moms are surprised because their kids are usually very apprehensive with other people. I'm great with kids. Adults piss me off tho. You should hear the story about what the hot dude did on saturday. I was this close to, well if u know me when I talk very calmly and slow with an evil look on my that means i'm pissed. People never fuck with me when I have that pissed face. Oh brad did once haha he's lucky.

So I was sitting on Tim I think and he's got a bit of an aggressive side. He likes to start shit with people. Men and their egos hey? Doesn't help that he's a leo. Leo Leo combo that can't be good. So I was telling him about me taking boxing and self defense and some other stuff so he fakes smacks me around. I wasn't even expecting that. It wasn't rough or anything I was just kinda surprised I think I may have had a quick pause to process it and decided I wouldn't have to kick his ass lol. Something tells me he could take me.

I still think about Brad... I think about Bryan sometimes. I was so sad when I went back home and couldn't find him. It was even harder to hear that he lied to me the year before and he hadn't gotten clean. Drugs have taken over. When I lived there I had someone try and sell to me at a red light. I politely declined "I don't buy drugs from strangers" LOL. Anyway Bryan was important to me so like Brad I check up on him. Hard to stay in contact with an addict tho. He did for a good few months after I saw him last.

I tried to text my biological father yesterday. I don't think I've spoken to him since Fathers Day and he was supposed to call me back. I wish I was more important to him. I haven't seen him in like 12 or 13 years. Funny tho, I've never had a problem with talking openly with him. Apparently my brother gave him shit when he found out I was bi. Whatever I'm sure he's gotten over it by now.

Ok off to sleep, enough randomness for tonight. Can u tell my mind just goes one thing to the next?