Saturday, November 20, 2010
Not Selling Myself Short
I deserve to be treated exactly how I would like to be treated. I won't sell myself short again. I will be holding out on sex in the future. I'm at a crossroads. I can be the girl who sleeps with whoever, whenever. I'm not like that though. As i've said before sex means something to me. I've made my profile on pof unsearchable. I just can't do it anymore right now. I hate when guys i'm interested in leave. Now I know it's not all me. I know that they have life goals and a certain path they want to take. I also get that they are just not that into me and we didn't click. See me, I give people I'm interested in a chance to get to know them. Sure there are annoying things they do, but I weigh out my options. Could I live with this behavior for the rest of my life? If I'm seeing a guy and I can't picture myself marrying them or having kids with them, I will not sleep with them. I'm not in a rush to get remarried or have kids. I wouldn't mind having my first child by the time I'm 30.
Fortunately for me I have a back up plan... it's called my sexy gay best friend. He gets all jealous when I talk about having babies and it's not his future baby I'm talking about. It's cute.
So I'm taking a break from men and throwing myself into getting healthy. More exercise more doctors stuff going on. I'm nervous, but they're really going to try and help me. It's gunna be a long slow process. Hopefully it makes a good impact on my life. As of Monday my friend and I are getting back into our routine. She's like you're my inspiration so you have to keep going. The lady from marketing messaged me back she said something along the lines of "WOW, This is incredable. We'll get in touch with you before we go ahead and use it in out PR" AHHHH! It's gunna be used!!! I'm going to be used to market. How fucking exciting is that?! I hope it's cool. I can't wait to see how it gets used.
Ok so everyone who knows me know's I'm funny. I make everyone laugh and I say and do dumb shit, sometimes on purpose. So we are at our work meeting last week and my manager tells everyone to take some M&M's but not too many. I pass the bag along and didn't take any. I say "I know how this shit works, I've seen the biggest loser" Everyone starts cracking up one of my friends even snorted "Elli ur too funny." Unfortunately I was forced to take one which lead to eating more M&M's then planned haha.
My friend at work, the one who said I was an inspiration. She says to me you just keep pushing through and fighting. Your weight loss and health my financial circumstances. I told her the only reason I do is because I have nothing else to live for other then myself. If I didn't have that I'd have nothing. So I keep on pushing through to make myself happy. Of course my life is shitty from an outsiders perspective. I had everything then I lost everything. Losing everything caused me to find me. My strength. If God can bring you to it he can bring you through it.
I want this tattooed down the back of my spine אֱלִישֶׁבַע it's my name in Hebrew. Elizabeth translated in Hebrew is Elisheva meaning "God's Promise". I know this because I was raised Jewish until I was about 8. I am god's promise... I will not sell myself short for anything less then I deserve. Time to get crackin.